Christopher Stocks

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Solitary pleasures

One of the things that gives me deepest delight is reeking of perfume. Bottles of the stuff strew my house, and I could easily wear a different fragrance for every day of the week of the year. Perfume is like clothing, dressing up or dressing down, with different outfits for evening or day, summer, winter, happy, sexy, melancholic, stylish, silly, funny, sad.

Perfume in ParisIn the city I could happily wear one perfume in the morning and another one at night, but down here in deepest Dorset on my almost-island I can go all week without spraying on a single scent.

It’s not that I love perfume any less, but rather that, when you come to think of it, perfume is at its heart a social pleasure, best shared with other people, like food and wine. Smelling perfume on one’s own is a bit like eating a gourmet meal or drinking a bottle of vintage wine alone – still a pleasure, certainly, but one diminished by the lack of anyone to share it with.

Even worse, in perfume’s case, its pleasure is diminished yet further by the fact that, after a short while, your nose becomes so accustomed to the scent you’re wearing that it’s often hard to smell it on yourself at all, though other people, hours later, will often catch a drift of it and ask you what it is.

Solitary pleasures have their place, of course, and sometimes when I go to bed at night I spray a favourite perfume on to savour as I drift to sleep, but all the same it’s slightly sad to think that such a pleasurable pursuit has, like fashion, no real place outside the crowded social setting of a city or a town.

When the wind blows

P1000203Living three miles out to sea has its advantages (more sunshine than average, later sunsets, cleaner air…) but when we get a south-westerly gale like the one that’s been raging for the last couple of days we really get it in the neck. Everything booms and rattles all day and all night, the salt spray burns our precious plants, and my study windows get so thickly coated with oily spray that I can hardly see outside. Even a walk to the end of the street leaves you breathless, completely dishevelled and slightly sticky with salt.

On days like these I’m thankful for our foot-thick Portland-stone walls, which must have witnessed many gales far worse than this, such as the Great Gale of November 1824 (more colourfully known as The Outrage) which breached Chesil Beach, drowned 25 islanders, swept away the old ferry across the Fleet and even, a mile or two inland, blew a farmer’s turnips clean out of the ground.

Smash…

Today’s casualty: a brand-new jar of Marmite (large size). Interesting what happens when dropped from a height of five feet on to a tiled floor. Tiny shards of needle-sharp brown glass everywhere, and sticky brown goo oozing out between the remaining pieces. I just sighed this time.

Bang, crash

I have good days and bad days of being clumsy, and today was definitely a bad day. I have a constant war with inanimate objects: if there’s something I can hit my head on I’ll hit it, if there’s something breakable I’ll drop it, if there’s a length of wire or a washing line it’ll get into a knot, if there’s a step I can trip over I’ll trip over it.

Each incident is intensely annoying and often painful, but the cumulative effect, after a while, is simply depressing. The first few times I swear (and my language is appalling). Then I break things, in a pathetic attempt to punish them for making my life such a misery. Finally I’m reduced to crying, often on the floor, as much in frustration as in defeat.

Why do inanimate objects hate me so much? What did I ever do to them? It’s a mystery to me.

Brandy, beach or Benylin?

Once you’ve smelled a lot of perfumes you start to realise when a scent is cheap and nasty – even on the occasions when it’s got a huge advertising budget and everyone seems to be buying it. (Why? Well, a lot of people still get swept up by advertising, but you can be fairly sure they’ll only buy it once.)

But even among the most brilliantly put-together perfumes each person’s individual reaction counts for a lot. Smell taps in to such deeply rooted – and often subconscious – memories and associations for each of us that two people can have completely different gut-reactions to the same scent.

And not only that: it actually smells completely different to each of them, even though their brain is presumably processing the same elements in a fairly similar way. Most scientists seem to agree that, unless we suffer from particularly severe sight problems, the way I see Hèrmes orange is almost certainly the same as the way you see it.

Smell, though, appears to work in a rather different manner. We may well smell the same scents in the same objective way, but the personal associations that specific scents have for us seem to be more powerful than what we actually smell – conceivably for the simple reason that we have such trouble describing them in words.

Here’s a perfect example. Sables was first launched by the late, great French perfumer Annick Goutal in 1985 and was recently relaunched in the UK after one of those mysterious absences that gives the perfume industry its faint whiff of Stalinism.

Sables 1Sables is one of my all-time favourite fragrances. Though its name is meant to evoke the high-summer sexiness of sun-baked sand, this fantastically rich, sweetly luxurious scent smells, to me, of all the best things about Christmas – vintage oloroso sherry, mince pies, the delicious heat of an applewood log fire, flaming brandy, Christmas pudding… All very positive associations, as far as I’m concerned.

I’d be the first to admit that Sables is strong stuff, best suited to opulent winter evenings; apply it too liberally and, like Guerlain’s L’heure bleue or Chanel’s No22, it can easily become overpowering. But while I can imagine choking on No22 in too high a concentration, to be overcome by Sables would, for me at least, be like drowning in a butt of Malmsey – frankly not a bad way to go.

To a friend who knows at least as much about perfume as I do, though, Sables has an unattractively medicinal smell with none of the enchanting connotations that give it such a deep and lasting appeal for me. I can (kind of) see what he’s getting at, and if I try hard I can just about identify a hint of cough-mixture about it, but for some reason that association, in my mind, is completely drowned out by all the good stuff I’ve already mentioned.

The moral? I’m not sure there is one, but I guess it’s always good to remember there’s no guarantee that everyone is going to share your passion for a particular perfume, no matter how wonderful it smells to you.